


Win for Losing

by Rina_san28



Series: Pride Month 2018 [25]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Nicknames, horrible nicknames are my fav, pride 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 17:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15078422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rina_san28/pseuds/Rina_san28
Summary: There are some battles nobody should win.Written for Pride Month 2018 Day 27: Nicknames





	Win for Losing

**Author's Note:**

> I love horrible nicknames and endearments with a deep and burning passion. Pity the woman who decides to marry me ;) I aimed to make this as stupid as possible after the heavy fic from yesterday. You're welcome. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Gimli, where’s my phone?” Legolas called, digging around in the boxes that littered their kitchen counter.

 

“I dunno! Where’d you leave it?” Gimli called back unhelpfully.

 

“Man, looking in the last place I left it! I never even thought of that!” Legolas said sarcastically.

 

Gimli laughed. “Okay, okay. You want me to call it?”

 

“Please.” Legolas stood still, listening for his ringtone, and… _PICK ME UP- PICK ME UP INSIDE! PICK ME UP-_ There it was. He darted over, plucked it out of the basket of clean laundry on the table, and answered the call. “Hello, hot guy here!”

 

“Well, sweetcheeks, that’s good news,” Gimli said, his voice coming from both the phone and the living room. “Can I hang up now?”

 

“Of course, sugartits,” Legolas chirped, then pressed end call.

 

 _“Sugartits?”_ Gimli sputtered, poking his head into the kitchen.

 

“You called me ‘sweetcheeks,’ it’s only fair,” Legolas said.

 

“It is not fair!”

 

“It is too!”

 

“I assure you I can come up with far worse than that,” Gimli said, crossing his arms. “If it’s a war you want, a war you’ll get!”

 

“Well then, _scooter toots_ , let’s get started,” Legolas said with a smirk.

 

“Aw, but _muffin breath_ , I wanted to start!”

 

“Too bad, _weird beard_.”

 

“That hurt, my _lil’ fluffer nutter bird!_ You know I love my beard.”

 

Legolas walked over and ran a hand through said beard. “That is true, _kitten scratch_.”

 

“Potato butt.”

 

“Butter lips.”

 

“Dork fried rice.”

 

“Kissy-wissy.”

 

“Shnuffle bag.”

 

“Bell-dinger.”

 

“Oh, I’ll ding your bell, alright,” Gimli said, grabbing his fiancé’s butt. He chortled as the other man let out a startled squawk. “Keep ‘em comin’, berry pants. I can do this all day.”

 

“You can’t, clown frown,” Legolas said, “because I’m going to win.”

 

“Baby cakes, that’s highly unlikely,” Gimli argued playfully.

 

“Ah, but slutty buddy, you’d be surprised!”

 

“My darling snufflupagus,” he said with a grin, “that is one surprise that will never happen.”

 

“It will, too…” the blonde hesitated for a second, “thunder chunk.”

 

“Ha-ha! You’re running low on ammunition, bed bug,” Gimli crowed.

 

“The only ammo I’ll ever run out of is room on my list of victories, tubba wubba.”

 

“My parents specialized in odd nicknames, schmoopsie-poopsie,” Gimli said.

 

Legolas blinked, his mouth dropping open slightly. _“Schmoopsie-poopsie?”_ he repeated in horrified dismay.

 

“Does this mean I win?” Gimli asked.

 

“I’m not sure this actually counts as a win,” Legolas said. “Seriously? _Schmoopsie-poopsie?”_

 

The red-head shrugged. “Eh. I’ll take it.”

 

“You are something else,” Legolas said, shaking his head helplessly.

 

“But you knew that before you signed on,” Gimli said cheerfully.

 

“I did,” he admitted. Then he shot his fiancé a _look._ “You said something about bell-ringing?”

 

Gimli’s eyes went wide. “Oof. Oh, yes.”

 

Legolas leaned in close, to the point of almost touching, and whispered, “Then I say…winner takes all.”

 

“Oh god, yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me you at least giggled a little bit :) Feel free to pick your favorites and use them liberally with everyone you meet. There's plenty more where those came from, if you google right. 
> 
> I'm rina-san28 on Tumblr! Come shout things at me!


End file.
